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Saturday, July 2nd, 2005

Time:10:43 pm.
we got a new apartment.
we live in basically wayne's apartment from wanes world. the first thing kris said when she walked in was 'this looks like a sitcom apartment'
i have a feeling that this is like a life changing apartment. its so huge. ive never rented (leasing in this case) with the intention of keeping the place for more than a year. this one's a keeper.
Comments: Read 15 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, April 4th, 2005

Time:1:15 am.
well the new beck record pretty much sucks. then again thats what i said about mutations when that came out.

joshapalooza was rad-but DUDE! like fucking HALF of my friends have FUCKING BABIES. WHAT???? damn that shit is crazy. i could be in their position to be honest. GLAD IM NOT.

i went to the space today on the way back form work at 10pm and found out that one of my pieces is basically decomposing. before i get slides ill have to spend 2 hours or so rebuilding it. ill post some images when i can.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, March 26th, 2005

Time:7:25 pm.
holy shit i have been busy. every time i get busy i think, hey man, why dont i just STAY busy all the time? well i cant do that and ill tell you why. if i stayed busy all the time, id probably start smoking again, first off. i used to smoke, but since i quit drinking smoking isnt as rewarding. smokers are sad people and you know it. also if i stayed busy i might develop physical problems--stress related. another thing is i definitely need a reason to take a shower when im busy. i mean im usually too busy to take a shower. also too busy to cook or buy groceries.
too busy to make clear decisions sometimes. i definitely feel like i dont know what im doing, rushing around trying to get stuff done. but then i actually didnt know what i was doing this whole time that ive been busy anyway.
two weeks ago i finished a big project at one of my jobs--the toothbrush job. after that my boss didnt have much planned for us, so it was kind of ambiguous what kind of hours id be able to get. luck for me this happened, because around the same time i found out about a show i could be involved in. once i found out how the show was gonna work out with the people who ran the space, i realized that i had a lot of things to do in a short amount of time. two weeks is pretty short i think. seems like longer though when youre doing shit all the time and counting the days until a deadline.
me and my friend brendan had our opening last night. it was a blast. they printed an image in the reader of one of my sculptures (the dinosaur). we showed together under the name Flowers.
im so tired, but i still bowl later tonite
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, January 28th, 2005

Subject:hey nanny nanny
Time:1:03 am.
brothers, sisters, w'sup.

quit the bike shop, became a full time asistant to these two artists. bitched at eddie about his fuckin triflin ass.

man when you live with somebody theyre no longer your friend/ theyre youre roommate and thats that. its a fucking dirty shame. sometiems i dont believe shit and just have to learn it the hard way.



broke a $2000 dollar scale at tom's studio on accident. then i tainted an air gun with purple pigment and he threw it away cos its too dangerous to use. (tom is a really amazing and at one time successful artist [pieces in MCA and Art Institute] who had turned to the dark side. hes now a modelmaker for the advertizing industry. and im his dark henchman. he makes the lipstick or whatever product that they film in commercials that can stand the heat of the lights and is totally flawless and idealized. any makeup object i know for shure that you see in a commercial is actually at least 2x and up to 4x its actual size. take a good look and you can tell its not real - no seams no imperfections in the plastic no bubbles in the shampoo. its fake bro. thats tommy.) so i fucked up at work not to mention cutting myself a few times and forgetting my gloves on the fucking bus at the beginning of the day. this was wednesday the 19th. now the previous night i broke up with my girlfriend of two fucking wonderful hard years. i dont want to talk about that.

its still fresh in the flesh. we just had a text message argument about she thinks i dont really want to break up with her. and also im sorry i treated her wrong. were both beat up over it.




so right now im in the studio of the other guy i work for working on a piece i have to hae finished by the 4th. or else they dont give me the grant money they said they would. im a little behind. which is why im here at 1 in the morning. why im a little behind is because im doing this here, other things too though like im lazy unless ive got a gun to my head. tomorrow my brother comes in from joliet with his cherrokee and takes the mold with me to the suburbs and it gets cast in fiberglass then i have to paint it and put some concrete in the base to keep it upright. but before i can do that my brother needs directions to the studio from his place. so i got to go
Comments: Read 17 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, December 11th, 2004

Subject:yo yo yo yo whatup whatup whatup whatup
Time:11:28 pm.
im alive

whats up friends. ive been working my ass off up here. i just got a new job working for this artist Tom Czarnopys. i just basically clean up his studio and maintain his equipment. its the best job ive ever had, if you can believe it. we talk about art and he helps me out with materials and techniques. i also work for this other artist doing basically the same stuff. both of these jobs pay DOUBLE what the bike shop pays me, so ill probably not be there for too long. just long enough for me to grab a few more parts and hook up my new bike. its not a palmy time for the bike trade.
i had one year of continuous sobriety on thanksgiving.
man weve been looking for a fourth roommate for months and now it seems like were gonna get stuck with smoe guy who 'blazes occasionally. not like three times a day.' im just sick of losing money over it every month. we cant afford the place. we dont have a lease right now so i thinke were gonna take off when it gets warm out. maybe jut me and eddie get a place-or even me and kris who knows. i really want a great apartment. it feels like i can do it but i keep getting robbed by eddies slobbishenss. what am i talking about though. no fuck that eddie is the slob.
actually right to my left there is a big clear patch on my desk that i think eddie created yesterday.
i hung out with candace and eric the other day-that was cool as hell. and now im hanging out with my brother like once a week almost, its good.
Comments: Read 8 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, June 10th, 2004

Time:12:00 am.
i build a 16' wide, 8' tall geodesic dome on the roof of my building today. it cost about $150. i made it out of aluminum conduit. i actually returned some of the equipment that i used to build it so its closer to $130.
it fucking rules.
i want to use it as a studio later. nobody i know will let me use their space to mess with fiberglass, so im just gonna do it on the roof. hopefully nobody will fuck with me building permit wise.

well my girlfriend kris came back from florida. my life right now is peachy. sober for six months and change. i really like my job as a bike mechanic. im loaded for now from graduation money.

somebody i met in the AA program offered me a job silkscreening t-shirts for this company inbred threads(.com). i would be their cheif guy for in house priting. the sweetest part of this deal is that i can use the shop for my personal shit and it will be totally top o the line. wallpaper time. and its like a 5 minuite walk from my place.



heres what the dome looks like

       _ . _
     ,/ \^ /\`
    /\ ^/ \ / \     
   |/\/ \ / \/ |
   -------------


     ME                    YOU
  __________            __________
a|          |         a|          |
b| C        |         b|          |
c| R        |         c|          |
d|   CRIER  |         d|          |
e|   BTTL   |         e|          |
f|          |         f|          |
g|    S   D |         g|          |
h|    U   S |         h|          |
i|    B   T |         i|          |
j|          |         j|          |
  1234567890            1234567890
Comments: Read 22 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 16th, 2004

Time:10:21 am.
may 22 my birthday
may 27 opening for the BFA show which rules
may 29 graduation and last day of school
june 3 kris comes home
june 7 go full time at work
will i never need my day planner again?
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, April 24th, 2004

Subject:i got a job as a bike mechanic
Time:6:58 pm.
my roommate has these fucking cunts over from his hometown, dipshit ohio. all they talk about is 'i was so fucking wasted when...' 'i hate puking' shit like that. they dont seem like real people. i was probably like that. i can think of a few situations this week that i wouldnt have been able to handle without drinking before. more even. like right now, i had a shitty day at work im in the house with three drunk fucks, one of them a drunk slut, theres a fridge full of coors light and i have a ton of shit to do for school. this would have been the perfect time for me to get wasted and fuck off on all of the stuff i need to do.

had to stir my macaroni. i think im just gonna watch kill bill deux by myself and call it a day. im feeling shitty. i really miss my girlfriend. my dad called me today and i felt like crying. he is emotionally distant.

maybe i should see kill bill and then make a meeting. thats probably a good idea. it would be better to go to the meeting first. actually i should read this book about robert irwin for school. first im gonna eat.

i had a real solid week before today.
Comments: Read 7 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, April 4th, 2004

Time:4:27 pm.
hey yall
broadcasting from the dleray beach public library in FL this time. last night me and Kris Casey my lovely went to the DADE COUNTY FAIR. the craziest fair ive ever been to. its too much to take, we left after 4 rides and $20. but we got in free like slick motherfuckers.
kris is sick today and its my last day here. fuck fuck goose. i spent a lot of time this week writing this badass proposal for a grant. ive got to start making money now that im graduating.

hey tony you should come up to the city man.

\\\\\\\///////
\\\\\\/////////
\\\\\/////////
\\\\/////////
\\\\//////////
\\\///////////
\\////////////
\///ninji/////
\\\\\\\\\\\


so we got our screen print studio up and running in the apartment. all i have to do is fucking print something. i have been in florida for 8 days now on break fron school and all ive been thinking about is STRIPES
i want to print stripes on things and then SELL THEM!

EASY MONEY!

theres this place in chicago 'monkey buisness' that sells a lot of screen printed shit. i could make too much cash soing that shit. i can see it now. or even just selling the shit to my friends on the cheap

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$



ok later
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, March 7th, 2004

Time:11:06 pm.
i just booked a flight on expedia to florida over spring break. 10 days of bliss with kris for only 259$. not too bad. the last time i saw her, we went to a wedding-i returned the suit shirt and tie to pay for the plane ticket and made fifty bucks on the deal. thats how i see it.

ive been modeling nude for chicago drawing classes for cash too. its $15 an hour for three hours. the first five minutes are weirder than the rest, but thats when i get to do the crazy poses so im just concentrating on not falling over or laughing. no boner incidents in sight.

i actually met someone at a drawing class who i later discovered to be kris's exboyfriend tim. at least i think its him. hes a mortician who grew weed in his closet. he seems pretty cool, always says 'good job' when its over, which i appreciate. then i met another of kris's exboyfriends at that wedding, bill. its interesting to meet these guys and see what kris has been up to. and also to know that im the man. but then i know this guy nate who kris used to sleep with before she met me. he is in one of the studios at school near mine and we see each other all the time. im fucking gritting my teeth as im writing this because she cheated on me with him about a year ago. a few days ago i noticed that hes making this painting with peoples heads in it and one of the looks like kris so i got pissed and jealous. i asked my friend joy if she thought it looked like kris and shes like 'yeah' so then i got really pissed.
it should be said that kris and i cheated on each other that same weekend a year ago-coincidentally maybe.
anyway i start thinking that hes got to have some fucked up ideas in his head if hes putting my girlfriend's face in his paintings. what is this guy doing? i am the man, step off. nate.

but i go back to school and get a good look at the painting, and it dosent look like her. i feel better because either its not her, he cant remember what she looks like, or he dosent know how to fucking paint. any one of those will do for me.

i hate this wolf pack fucking mind game shit.
Comments: Read 7 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

Time:12:39 am.
hey guys.

i finally got to see my long distance girlfriend kris. she flew in from florida to visit for a weekend and be in a wedding. we hung out for only four days. what the fuck is that?
this chick i swear.

anyway, im trying to get this bike mechanic job at the best bike shop in the city. very stiff competition i can imagine. i know i can get a job somewhere this season. i should probably apply somewhere else already just in case, huh? after i graduate i dont know what ill be doing. this is scary now.

love, ben
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, February 13th, 2004

Time:4:39 pm.
whoa mama.

florida was the SHIT. new york sucked cos it was cold. saw jack osbourne on the street. imagine that. it was stupid. i didnt do a damn thing there. saw some cool art.
florida RULED! my girlfriend is AWESOME!
she lives in florida. i was visiting her. we did this thing called lion country safari where you drive through a zoo full of wild animals. it was FUN MAN! we were really close to llamas and zebras in our car. the lions were sleeping. cute chimps and shit.
elvis costello is sweet.
im getting deeper into the program of AA. got a sponsor and im workin on my first step. doin good otherwise.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, January 14th, 2004

Subject:serious
Time:6:55 pm.
oh shit. ive got 127$ for the whole trip. until wednesday to make as much money as possible.

suggestions?
Comments: Read 8 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, January 9th, 2004

Subject:I LOVE NEW YORK CITY
Time:11:56 am.
OH YEAH!

im comin to visit you brock.
me and eddie are taking a 26 dollar train to nyc (22 hrs), bitches. then eddies comin back after four days and im goin to miami, also rail sale amtrak, $42 (29 hrs). then i get to hang out with my lovely sexy kris for a fucking week! then to DC for a whopping $96 (10 hrs). 12 hour layover there and back to chicago for $24 (17 hrs). (78 hrs)

can you beat it? NO!

this is the perfect way to get my ass through finals. SHIT! this is excellent.

a lot of reading will get done on that train. ill probably finish my new Chomsky book and a collection of jonathan franzen essays i bought. a lot of cards will be played. we have this deck of cards at the house that has been trhough hell. its amazing grace that the deck isnt missing anything. we used the big deuce of spades to trace my tattoo and jay's deuce up his sleeve tattoo. we know a couple of the jacks, an ace by the battle scars from playing slapping games.
eddie always cheats and then totally accuses other people of cheating. hes ridiculous. last night we were "fucking yelling" at each other in our roommate chris's words at 2am over who was cheating more me or him. damn that train trip is gonna be awesome. hopefully, on the way back i sont be too sad or bored for two days on a train

only thing is i need money. i have a $100 paycheck in the mail and i will have probably $70 christmas money left by the time i leave. ill need a gallon of peanutbutter and some vacuum packages of jam. crackers, water. ill probably make it to nyc with a cooler of sandwitches. lunchmeat maybe. dont want to get too fancy. i remember last trip we packed it wrong and all the sandwitches got soiled with ice-water. we could have starved out there. brock told me about NYC_4_free the community. ill have to check that out before we leave. ooh man i wish to god i could bring my bike. that would be so heavenly.
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, December 30th, 2003

Subject:new years evil
Time:5:37 pm.
i am a screen printing machine! i just finished the second day with my print teacher from last semester working on an edition for a show shes way fucking behind schedule for. i havent had the chance to do anything of my own yet, but sometime this week, ill be working something into my drawing final. some kind of screen print layering on or under drawing layers. this is like the only way to get me excited about drawing for class-using some fun techniques.
it was the shit to see tony sean kristin and brock. whats up fellas.
tony, ive got a break comin up after the 15th. three weeks long i wanna catch a show if youve got one goin on then. im gonna listen to your record for the first time while im working on homework later.
pizza timers goin off. prouschuto? spinach, mozza, barbecue sauce.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, November 26th, 2003

Subject:christmas list
Time:9:08 pm.
sound card-i have no sound coming out of my computer.
french press coffeemaker
kick brake hub, spokes, and a decent rim to build up a wheel for the motobecane-old skool kick brake style
stairs for my loft bed
hegemony or survival-new chomsky
screen print setup.. big one
girlfriend
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

Subject:nationwide video
Time:9:00 pm.
so im at work like two weeks ago and this regular comes in. always comes in in full cop uniform, bulletproof vest, gun, ive never seen his squad car, but it must be double parked outside whenever hes in the store. hes a pretty interesting guy we always shoot some shit before he leaves, usually about movies. 50 years old or so. so this time he gets high fidelity, one of everybodys favorite movies, and i start gushing about the first time i saw this movie with eddie and kelly and and jack black is in it and its situated right here in chicago at about honore and milwaukee. roger, the cop, is like, 'oh no shit. i was in 6 shootouts between honore and damen avenue fifteen years back.' i love this guy. he tells me how shitty wicker park used to be back in the late 70's and that in 84 everything started going up pricewise, things started to change. 'yeah id get dressed up. three piece suit, briefcase. go into the double door and stumble around like a rich buisnesman tryin to have some fun. pull out the roll wad now and then, throw some money around. every weekend id take a hit under the train tracks just outside the bar and get robbed.' then his partners would grab the crook. hes a pasty dude too, i bet he could play that part real well. 'when i didnt go to the double door, id just stand on the east corner of north and milwaukee in my suit and take a hit, get mugged.' im like no shit. so he takes off to his squad car, or i guess it would be his regular car then if he was off of work and on his way home, having made my day a little more interesting. im workin with my friend jitesh and at this point were lookin at each other again, gettin ready to pick some movie to put in, and roger comes back in with a book. 'a bunch of the stories i was tellin you about are written in here. ill see you later.' so i thank him before i get a look at the paperback for having now made my day but hes in a hurry to get on with it, so he leaves. im lookin at the fucking book and its titled FLATFOOT, FUZZ, PIG, and SCREW. what is this shit? i turn it over and its got his picture in a polyester suit with a ridiculous poodle lookin haircut. ROGER TERRY. on the inside, its laid out like this
COMMENT: I hear that cops carry two guns. If i was scared enough to have to carry two guns, i wouldnt be a police officer, thats for shure.
AUTHOR: Many police officers carry two guns, their service pistol and a 'drop gun' for good reason..etc.
CASE: Say two cops get a tip from a reliable informant that a gas station is going to be robbed in the next thirty minuites. They both leave the station as quiclkly as possible, get to the scene and begin to stake out the station. Once the officers are in position, one of the guys realizes that his pistol is in his desk drawer back at the station....etc. etc.

you get the idea. real straightforward. copaganda, though. theres a COMMENT about why cops run through red lights that is pretty weakly defended. anyway now the book is shitter reading at the store.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, November 16th, 2003

Time:1:12 pm.

ive quit drinking

Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, November 12th, 2003

Time:5:55 pm.
im totally depressed.
im crazy.

somebody throw me a bone
anybody!

fucking shit shit fucking shit fuck
fuck

FCK

ok. i updated my webpage. tell me what you think
Comments: Read 10 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, October 29th, 2003

Subject:ben talks part 1
Time:9:50 pm.
i am motherfuckin busy. tomorrow i get up early as i can and go to the dump to look for a bike hub that is steel if that exists. or something with bearings inside thats steel. im welding a pinwheel onto a shopping cart. hehe. i had this idea like a five months ago and i finally get to do it. its a spraypaint machine that sprays spirograph lookin things on the ground. i keep meaning to put up pictures of the shit ive been doin but i just dont get around to it. maybe sometime soon. ive just got to scan the slides.
im kinda runnin on empty man. just quit my job so to give me some more time. gettim paid 5.50 in this town doesnt mean shit. i was workin at this video store called Nationwide Video with this chick kara and brian. karas like 18 man. it was easy, dont get me wrong, but not easy enough to do homework. easy enough to watch movies for 3 minuites at a time. nothin happened there and i didnt give a shit. ive still got two weeks left though.
im thinkin about picking up a therapist once a week. see what happens. my familie's insurance (caterpillar) pays 100% so i got nothing to lose. i do not want any more pills in my life. im shure theyve contributed to my memory problem. im so inarticulate these days. i can barely flesh out how im feeling. im in this thesis calss, best calss ive ever been in, really thinking about my work, and i just cant seem to stay sharp. pay attention the whole time. i dont know.
my dad's got it real bad. he drinks, but i think paybe hes got early onset alzheimers or something. hes 56. cant really carry on a conversation. hell remember something that happened 40 years ago from his adolescence and get stuck on that story. hell just tell it over and over the same way too. no short term memory. man im scared of that.
somethings up with me this time. im under somethin. for a few weeks ive been staring it right in the face thinknin to myself.. yeah im fucked up, now what? some kind of rut. cant get a girlfriend.
on the other hand my work life is kicking ass. i dont know.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for boom boom room.

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